http://www.ct.gov/dcf/cwp/view.asp?a=4071&Q=491132

Download  Understanding the Effects of Trauma on Brain Development as a PDF here.

The Child Welfare Information Gateway is a  service of the Children’s Bureau, Administration for Children and Families,
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.  It  provides access to print and electronic publications, websites, databases,
and online learning tools for improving child welfare practice, including resources that can be shared with families.

Check out a link to their website here.

NACAC page on the claiming the tax credit.

IRS Form 8839

IRS Form 8839 Instructions

IRS page with useful links to information pertaining to the credit.

Contact Deb Kelleher at 203.706.0101 for more information on foster care or special needs adoption or to pre-register for this meeting.

January 23, 2012, 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.

Registration (mandatory) is only available through Foothills Continuing Education.
To register for any single session call 1.800.300.4781 or visit their website: www.educationconnection.org

Course description:
Brief overview of the process for becoming a licensed foster/adoptive parent in CT.
This course will focus on foster care and adoption of children in the CT child welfare system.Information regarding prerequisites for families, the children needing to be placed in foster/pre-adoptive homes will be discussed. We will address the difference between regular foster care, therapeutic foster care and enhanced foster care. We will explain the current trend in adoption to place children in legal-risk pre-adoptive placements.

The final half hour of the session will be devoted to questions from the attendees.

“I always knew I wanted to work with children,” Barbara explains. “And the 30 years I spent teaching special education were tremendously gratifying. Yet I always wanted to do more. Being a foster parent has allowed me to make more of an impact. Together with my family, I have been able to change the lives of children from all different backgrounds and a variety of circumstances. There are challenges, to be sure—as every foster parent will tell you—but the rewards have been beyond what I would ever have expected.”

There are currently 513,000 children in the foster care system in the United States, and there is a dire need for committed, caring adults willing to take these children into their homes over the short or longer term. In her seven years as a foster parent, Barbara and her husband have taken in 25 children for stays ranging from a few days to nine months. They have adopted two of these children (one a toddler and the other a teenager), who are now a permanent part of a family that also includes Barbara’s two college-age biological sons and, at present, one additional foster child.

After having done this for seven years, Barbara tells us: “Now, I wish we had made the decision to start even earlier. Each one of these children has contributed to our home and family life in a special way.”

Barbara is especially grateful for the FAST program, which sends professionals into foster homes to help address the children’s unique needs. She tells us that the first few days of a placement can be especially trying, as children act out in different ways and can be particularly needy when first separated from a parent. FAST provides the information and support Barbara and her family need to make the transition as smooth as possible. “The reward is when the child begins to trust you,” Barbara says. “The first time he comes to you for comfort or she places her head on you. Those are the moments that make everything worthwhile—just knowing that you have created a safe and loving place for this youngster. For some of these children, the time they spend in our home is their first experience of a healthy, nurturing environment. We show them the sort of home life they deserve. And I don’t mean with regard to home size or material possessions; I mean having a place to live where everyone has your best interests at heart. A place where you know from one moment to the next what to expect and don’t have to live with fear or hunger or neglect.”

Barbara’s eyes light up as she speaks of a three-year-old currently in her care: “She is so bright and says the funniest things. She has been identified as gifted by the teachers at the nursery school she attends, which doesn’t surprise me at all. I’ve met with this little girl’s mother, and she has so much potential. We are all hoping she will be able to turn things around and be reunited with her child. Until then, she knows her child is in a loving home.”

The most difficult part of being a foster parent, according to Barbara, is seeing the children leave, especially when there is no contact afterwards. “It’s not possible to adopt every child,” Barbara says, “and of course we worry about the children after they’ve left our home. We just have to take comfort in the fact that, for as long as we had them, we loved them and gave them a stable, structured family life. Sometimes, we are able to keep track of a child when he or she leaves. One of the children was adopted by her grandparent, and we get together and talk on the phone often. It is such a joy to know this child is in a caring home and is being given a good chance for a healthy and happy life.”

What makes an ideal foster parent? According to Barbara, there is no one formula other than enjoying children, being able to provide a loving home, and being willing to fight for what they need. Barbara considers foster parenting her calling and encourages others to join her in providing a temporary home for one or more of the thousands of local children in need.

Foster parenting is a commitment—and an opportunity to make a big difference in a child’s life. FAM (Foster Adoptive Mission) has presented this vignette of Barbara’s experiences as a foster parent in hopes of encouraging other caring adults to reach out to children in difficult circumstances. If you have any interest in becoming a foster parent, please call FAM today for more information.

This article was written by Alan Murphy for Foster Adoptive Mission.

Upon his removal from his biological family three years ago Troy stayed at a Safe Home for a period of time.  He doesn’t remember too much from those days.  In fact, his first memories of foster care are from his stay in his first, and only, foster care placement.  I met with him and his mom recently at his adoptive home where we chatted about his life.

Troy is a happy, wiggly eleven year old now, very interested in baseball, his stuffed animal collection and Tae Kwon Do.  He talked about meeting his adoptive family last August.  Troy says, “I didn’t know much about them.  My worker, Monica, said she had found a new family and we were going to meet them.”  At first he described sleeping over their house the very first time they met.  With prompting, though, he agreed that it was unlikely.  We asked his mom, Deb, and she remembered the process as “very quick”.  His mom said, “We met at the Dinosaur Museum on a Friday for three hours.  Troy was so well-behaved.  He got along well with James and Alexis.  He asked to sit between Tom and I while we watched a movie at the museum.  Later that weekend our family went away on vacation so we did not see Troy til the following Monday when we visited for a second time.  He came back two days later for an overnight; returned to the foster home that night to say goodbye and gather his belongings; and came home for good the next day.  The following Monday he began his new school placement.  Deb laughed when she described those initial days as “a whirlwind” and Troy as, “on adrenaline for the first three weeks.”  Nancy Horowitz, clinical social worker for Family and Children’s Agency in Norwalk states, “It is not uncommon for children in foster care  to be confused about the timing of events at the time of a new placement or even to not remember whole parts of their history.  They often confuse the sequence of events, combine memories or simply forget what happened. The anxiety of the new placement can and often does impact their behavior.  Some become very tired and sleep a lot.  Others appear hyperactive.  Some act too well behaved and foster or adoptive parents may feel that they are not seeing the ‘real’ child.”   Troy says, “I thought it was awesome that I was getting my family.  But it was scary.  I knew a little about them but not much.  I was scared about going to a new school too.  I didn’t know any of the kids.”  Troy’s face brightens when asked about his new siblings. “Alexis is so cool.  Alexis plays with me.  James likes to play video games.”  It is also clear that Troy loves his new dog and his new baseball team where he sometimes gets to play first base.  He is proud of his orange belt in Tae Kwon Do, and his tennis prowess, although he was quick to point out ruefully that he was the oldest kid at his tennis lessons.

Troy’s adoptive mom, Deb, always wanted to adopt a child.  She and her husband, Tom, agreed even before they were married that someday they would adopt a child from foster care.  Deb says, “This was always something I wanted to do.  Many people in our families had adopted internationally but I always thought there were so many kids here who need families.  After we were married and had our kids we continued to think about adoption.  I remember Alexis, my youngest, had started school and I saw a Wednesday’s Child piece on TV.  We were living in NY at the time.  It prompted us to move forward.  Tom and I attended classes at You Gotta Believe, an agency in NY.  We were licensed but then Tom was transferred to CT and we moved.  Once we settled in we investigated transferring our license to CT and found out we had to attend classes all over again.  The way Tom and I looked at it, we had ten more weeks where we had date night again!  Corny, but we loved attending the classes.  In fact, we found the training in CT much more thorough than the original training we underwent in New York.”  One phrase has been very helpful to her in parenting all of her kids which she learned in her NY classes. Deb recalls, “The phrase is ‘between action and reaction there is a pause’.  I try to remember to use that pause when issues come up.”

Troy has clearly settled into his new home.  He happily showed off his room with his collection of stuffed animals and his drawings and photos.  His mom remembers the early days as a settling-in time.  Initially homework presented a large challenge.  “It could take as long as three hours to get it done,” she remembers.  “But now, he gets it done right away – and much more independently.”  Deb describes Troy as very young in some ways and “a little adult in some ways.”  This is a mixture often seen in children who have been in foster care.  She also sees enormous growth in him since he came to live with them in August.  Troy’s adoption was finalized last month.  He seems relieved and it shows in his behavior.  Now he truly believes he is home for good. Troy says he loves his new family.  He loves it when his dad takes the family to Five Guys restaurant where he says the fries are better than McDonalds.  He says his mom drives him everywhere and helps him with his homework. He proudly states that he is getting A’s and B’s now.  Science class is his favorite, he declares, because he likes to do experiments.  He has some advice for other kids moving to adoptive homes. “Try not to be scared.  Try to get used to the family before you say yes to being adopted.  Hold off and tell everyone I want to get used to it first.”  To families he says: “Use a soft voice when you meet kids.  Meet up at a place you think the kid will like, like the Eli Whitney Museum.”  Troy appears to glow when he talks about his adoption day.  “I got adopted,” he sings with a grin from ear to ear, “at Town Hall.  Just my mom and dad were with me. We changed my last name.”    It was clearly an exciting day in young Troy’s life.

Deb plainly dotes on her newest son.  She describes him as cuddly and says he always wants to hug her and sit next to her, which she loves.  She says she tells people that adopting was a selfish act on her part “because I wanted to have another kid.”  What does she say about their decision to adopt? ” Anybody knows how hard parenting is.  It was years before we followed through on adopting.  We needed to consider everyone in our family’s feelings.”  But she remains sure that this was indeed the right decision for their family.  In speaking of the licensing process, she says she thought, “Do it.  If nothing else comes from this it will help us be better parents to our own biological children.  And it turned out better than we even hoped!”  Deb advises families considering foster care and adoption, “Be open.  Don’t limit yourself.  You can handle more than you realize.”  This mom obviously is happy with her decision to parent this young man. “At the end of the day, he is a great kid and he is going to be okay,” she exclaims.  No doubt she is right.  With such a positive, supportive family behind him, Troy is already okay.

This year, in an effort to be more inclusive of faiths where weekly worship takes place on days other than Sunday, we are asking faith communities to offer  prayers all during weekend services anytime the weekend of November 4-6th and ring their bells (if they have bells) on November 6 at 6p.m.  Bells are to ring one time for each Connecticut child in need of a permanent home.  This year the number is 28.

In the past three years this event has grown to include over 160 faith communities throughout the state in many different guises.  Some faith communities have held candlelight vigils during the bell ringing while others held prayer vigils including guest speakers and music.  Many have simply rung their bells at 6 p.m., some by children who were already adopted or entire adoptive families.  Any part or combination of prayer and bell-ringing on behalf of the children is truly appreciated.

Why should you support this effort?  Too many foster children  wait far too long for permanent families.  In fact, nationally, there are over 107,000 children in the foster care system awaiting a family. Some of these children will never be adopted and will “age out”.  Of those who age out, approximately 50 percent of them eventually experience homelessness or become incarcerated. Most will never finish high school and many of the girls will end up becoming single mothers, repeating the cycle of poverty, abuse and addiction that brought them into care.  Last year in CT, approximately 450 youth aged out.

Read Justin’s* story. Justin is the pseudonym for the youth who inspired this event.

Was your faith community a part of Bells of Hope 2011 but not listed below?  Please contact Deb Kelleher at fam_coordinator@yahoo.com and include the name of the Faith Community and the address and we will be happy to add you to the list!

Contact us for more information: 203.706.0101

2011 Participating Faith Communities

Christ Episcopal Church, Ansonia
Holy Rosary Church, Ansonia
First Congregational Church of Barkhamsted
St Michael’s R.C. Church, Beacon Falls
Berlin Congregational Church, Berlin
First Congregational Church of Branford, UCC, Branford
Shoreline Community Church, Branford
St. Mary Church, Branford
Christian Community Church of Bridgeport
First Baptist Church, Bridgeport
Messiah Baptist Church, Bridgeport
Bristol Baptist Church, Bristol
Christian Fellowship Center, Bristol
The First Congregational Church UCC, Bristol
North Canaan Congregational Church, Canaan
St. Joseph Church, Canaan
Cheshire Lutheran Church, Cheshire
Church of the Epiphany, Cheshire
Cornerstone Church, Cheshire
First Congregational Church of Cheshire*
Temple Beth David, Cheshire
St. Bridget Church, Cheshire
United Methodist Church of Clinton
Colebrook Congregational Church, Colebrook
Collinsville Congregational Church, Collinsville
St. Peter’s Evangelical Lutheran Church, Cornwall
St. Bridget Church, Cornwall Bridge
Church of St. Peter, Danbury
Danbury Lighthouse Ministries, Danbury
First Congregational Church of Danbury, UCC, Danbury
Holy Trinity Orthodox Church, Danbury
St. Joseph’s R.C. Church, Danbury
Western Connecticut State University, Newman Center, Danbury
St. Alban’s Episcopal Church, Danielson
First Church of Christ, Congregational, East Haddam
St Patrick’s R.C. Church, East Hampton*
Holy Family Church, Enfield
Church of Christ, Farmington
St. James Episcopal Church, Farmington
First Church of Christ, Congregational, Glastonbury
South Congregational Church, Granby
Spring Glen Church, UCC, Hamden
House of Restoration Church, Hartford
Phillips Metropolitan CME Church, Hartford
Riverfront Family Church, Hartford
Harwinton Congregational Church, Harwinton
Gilhead Congregational Church, Hebron
Faith Center Church, Meriden
First Assembly of God, Meriden
New Life Community Church, Meriden
St. George’s Episcopal Church, Middlebury
St. Agnes Church, Milford
Mystic Congregational Church, Mystic
United Methodist Church, Naugatuck
Armenian Church of the Holy Resurrection, New Britain
Calvary Christian Center, New Britain
Holy Trinity Orthodox Church, New Britain
St. Mary’s Ukranian Church, New Britain
Church of The Rock, New Haven* (Service Saturday)
Dixwell Avenue United Church of Christ, New Haven
Temple Emanuel of Greater New Haven
St. Francis Xavier Church, New Milford
First Congregational Church, New Milford
Newtown Congregational Church, Newtown
Christ Lutheran Church, Niantic
Niantic Community Church, Niantic
St. John’s Episcopal Church, North Haven     
St. Joseph’s Church, Norwalk
First Congregational Church of Old Lyme
St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, Plainfield
St. Anthony R.C. Church, Prospect
Rocky Hill Congregational Church, Rocky Hill
St. Elizabeth Seton Church, Rocky Hill
Roxbury Congregational Church, Roxbury
St. Bernard Church, Sharon
Sacred Heart Church, Southbury
The United Church of Christ, Southbury
First Baptist Church of Southington
Bethel AME Church, Stamford
St. Bridget Church, Stamford
St. Mary’s Church, Stamford
United Congregational Church of Westerly, Stonington
Terryville Congregational Church, UCC, Terryville
Covenant of Joy, Thomaston
Center Congregational Church, Torrington
First United Methodist Church, Torrington
Sacred Heart Church, Torrington
St. Francis of Assisi Church, Torrington
St. Mary R.C. Church, Torrington
St. Peter R.C. Church, Torrington
Calvary Church, Trumbull
Door of Hope, Wallingford
Yalesville United Methodist Church, Wallingford
First Congregational Church, Waterbury
St. John’s Episcopal Church, Waterbury
St. Leo the Great, Waterbury
Sts. Peter & Paul Church, Waterbury
United Muslim Mosque, Waterbury
First Congregational Church of Watertown
Saugatuck Congregational Church, Westport
First Church of Christ, Wethersfield
United Covenant Church, Wilton
Wilton Congregational Church, Wilton
Winchester Center Congregational Church, Winchester Center
First Church in Windsor
First Church of Christ, Woodbridge   
Woodbury United Methodist Church, Woodbury
First Congregational Church of Woodstock

In addition to the listing above, Bells of Hope would like to acknowledge the faith communities that participated but are not mentioned by name.  Due to Storm Alfred, communication has been challenging. Every prayer offered for a child in foster care is a powerful expression of your love and support. Thank you all for the blessings of your caring communities.

Justin is the inspiration for Bells of Hope: Ringing in a Brighter Tomorrow for CT’s Waiting Children, now in its third year.  Last year over 160 faith communities and schools across CT agreed to ring their bells and offer prayer to call attention to the children in the CT foster care system waiting for permanent homes.  The idea for Bells of Hope came to me in early spring 2009. I was working on ideas to increase adoptions in Connecticut and kept coming back to thoughts of my son’s brother, now 20, who had never been adopted. For purposes of confidentiality I call him Justin.

        Justin is my son’s biological older brother. I am the adoptive mom of three boys, all of whom were adopted through the CT foster care system, and one biological son.  I had tried to adopt Justin, but, as a single parent of four boys, I was not considered an appropriate resource for him. He needed more than social workers felt I could give to another special needs child. Truth be told, I secretly shared their fears, and although I did come forward and offer to be a resource for him I knew their decision was the right one for my family and for Justin.

      I met Justin when he was 9. He was a handsome young man living in a group setting. I would often bring my son, his brother, to visit him. And I also frequently had him to my home for the day. Our whole family came to love him and consider him a member of our extended family.  At one point when Justin was hospitalized, a social worker called me from the hospital. You see, Justin had told her that I was to be his adoptive mom soon.  He had our phone number memorized, which made it easy for her to believe him. That situation nearly broke my heart. Here he was in the hospital, vulnerable and lonely and reaching out to me.  This kind and understanding hospital social worker and I had many long talks about Justin’s future. She counseled me to continue as his “beloved aunt” because, she said, he needs a consistently loving adult in his life and if I were to ignore the wise advice of the social workers he could end up with no one – a disrupted adoption and feelings on both sides that might not heal well enough for our relationship to continue.

       Well, Justin was never adopted. He moved from placement to placement for 10 long and lonely years.  When he turned 19, his worker found an aunt to care for him temporarily while the state looked for a transitional life-skills program for him to attend and reside at. After having lived in congregate care for so many years he would need some help navigating the world. Unlike typical children, he had never had an allowance; his own room; regular chores to learn from; increasing responsibility and freedom to explore the world from a safe place; the ability to make mistakes and learn while being loved by a family. So, he was vulnerable to making mistakes once released into the world.

                Justin did not stay with his aunt long. He found family rules confusing and stressful. For instance, he could not figure out why his aunt was angry when he ran up a cell phone bill of over $150 for ring tones! So, he ran away and joined a gang. He called them his new family. He claimed they accepted and valued him. From time to time he would return to his aunt’s home for brief stays but each time he would return to the streets where he felt more comfortable.

      Our family spent time with Justin during the 2008 Christmas season. He spent a week with us. While doing his laundry during his visit, razor blades fell out of his pockets into my washer. He said he needed them for protection on the streets. My heart broke. Shortly after his visit he went back to the streets.  Last year  he was arrested.  We have tried to maintain contact but it has been very difficult. 

      I hope he’s okay. I think about him all the time. His little brother misses him and worries about his safety. We hope he will find someone to help him transition away from the streets and find a better life for himself – one he can be proud of.

      The truth is: far too many teens in foster care age out of the system. Nationally about 28,000 youth “age out” of foster care every year. “Teens who are emancipated from foster care have higher rates of incarceration, unemployment, homelessness, and dependence on public assistance than non-foster youth. In fact, one in four will be incarcerated within two years of leaving foster care; one in five will become homeless at some point after age 18. Moreover, many studies have documented a bleak outlook in education as well: only 58 percent of foster youth who aged out of the system had a high school degree at age 19, compared to 87 percent of non-foster youth; and less than 3 percent of emancipated foster youth over the age of 25 earned college degrees, compared to 28 percent of the general population.” *

      In fact, many studies show that approximately 50% of all youth who have been in foster care will become homeless at some time in their lives. I do not want to think of someone I love as one of these statistics. And I do not want to think of all of the other youth who age out of foster care continuing to make up these statistics. That is why I came up with Bells of Hope.

      The idea for “Bells” was shamelessly stolen from the Special Olympics. Back in 1995 the Worldwide Special Olympics Games were held in New Haven. My adopted son, a Special Olympian himself, was asked to do the honor of ringing the bells in our church to mark the Opening of the Games. He was thrilled and it was exciting for the whole family! Church bells rang all over Connecticut as the Games opened. What a beautiful sound! And we felt a part of something larger than ourselves.

       My son was so proud to be asked to ring those bells. So I thought why can’t the bells be rung for foster kids? Surely this is a worthy cause. And wouldn’t adopted kids get a kick out of being the “bell ringers?”  So the seeds of Bells of Hope were born. Others have helped to tweak the idea and help bring it to fruition.

       Last year some town councils issued proclamations declaring the day the official Bells of Hope Day. Some congregations held candlelight vigils while the bells rang. Others simply rang the bells. But everyone heard them.  My goal was and is simply to get folks to think about the kids – and hopefully a few will come forward to adopt or become foster parents – because these kids are our kids – our Connecticut kids – and at the very least they deserve a few minutes of our time on a Sunday in November.

         As we did the past two years, this website will post a listing of the 2011 bells ringing in your community as well as the www.bellsofhope.org website. As we receive word from churches and schools they will be added to the list.  On or around October 29, we will post the official number of times the bells should ring.  Faith communities that can will ring the designated number of times at 6 p.m. on Sunday.  Churches that have less control over their bells may choose to ring at a different time, a different number of times or if they have no bells they can participate (and be included on the list) by placing a prayer request in their bulletins asking for prayers from their congregants during services the first weekend in November.

         Want to help? Contact me and I will be delighted to refer you to one of our regional coordinators so you can help us gain new faith partners or sign up your faith community.  If everyone does just a little, fewer kids will wait in foster care who just need a place to call home.

*To protect the identity of this young man his name has been  changed .  All other details are factual.
**Taken from Youth Aging Out of Foster Care by Sharon Landvoy

This article was written by Deb Kelleher for Foster Adoptive Mission and Bells of Hope